Siri Putus Cinta: On The Ex Girlfriend Rules

Hey ladies,

Pursuant to the previous Siri Putus Cinta entry, [here's the link] an interesting topic sprung in my mind to which ai think worth sharing.

Lesbians tend to change partner, it’s almost like a norm to lesbians’ community, whether or not the reasons are acceptable or absurd. It’s just seem inevitable to befriend your ex, more so,  if you keep changing partners whom coming from the already trifling outed Malaysians’ lesbians. Apparently the lesbian community isn’t that big, well we probably all are connected to one another somehow. You and I know that. The case may be different if your ex made a big U-turn to the straight world . Fuh, a big relieve that might be.

The last entry was likely an optimistic view, on the contrary you may not go down with the idea of lesbians being friends with their exes and there are some valid arguments to support that. I too after have done a little or so reflections time with myself, has the likelihood to revise my opinion.

One point worth mentioning though, being friends with your ex is permissible or maybe do-able provided you  and your conscience are crystal clear on the intention of having the ex just as friends, as in normal friends, without any ulterior motive eyeing to be her bestfriend what more , more than that !

By right if u have been meaning to become her bff whilst at the same time dating your current gf, that could get too mess up and misleading to any of u who still has feeling for the other. Therefore, you are WARNED it’s best to avoid possible dramas, to remain just as friends, real friends that’s it.

Confusing? Who says it’s  going to be easy to befriend your ex?

Only if you want it so bad , to which your mental, mind, conscience are in pact to strictly treat the ex as you treat your other friends.

There’s a lot to go through assuming you are determine to have the ex as your friend. one thing i reckon is never coerce a friendship with your ex post-break up because each individuals responses towards dealing with their emotional predicaments are different from yours. Let them adjust to their own pace before they subsequently at appease with the idea being friends with an ex. Hence, allow time to take its course , u will be grateful that u have waited in line rather than rushing your way assuming the ex is ready to build a normal friendship with you.

That may take some time, depends, a few months could be , or more.

This friendship however comes with quirk, should you want to resume with the idealistic friendship, you could, as long as you are ready to face some issues bound to arise with it. You reckon how sometimes you are experiencing awkward moments in life ?

Embrace yourself and be ready for recurring awkward moments if you and her finally able to come to terms being just friends or maybe friendly or at least in talking terms, but have you ever thought how would socializing be in a room comprising you, your gf and your ex gf?

Screaming Awkward Out Loud !!!!

Does this chart ring a bell? If we able to construct a chart as such, it’ll become clearer to every lesbians’ minds how small this world of ours. Many would be at disbelieve how well connected we are.

Owing that there’s only 2 degrees of separation within lesbians’ community,  expect the above circumstance to happen even not today, chances are someday you might rub shoulders with your ex in a social event or anything along that line. Haven’t u seen your ex hooking up with your mutual friend ? Situation could become slippery and unattractively gross. The scary thing is, having your ex within your social circle, that’s a nightmare comes true. Of course this isn’t likely to happen shall your ex completely release herself from the lesbian world at once. Still you have to work with all this crap and see where it would take u.

What are the odds? Ultimately we are dying to know if there’s some sort of  code of ethics ( if there is such thing) , how-to socialize within a circle where there’s your gf and your ex gf.  I’m looking at this only from readings and a little bit of input from my own humble experiences as well as observations.

I am learning as i go taking with a pinch of salt, wishing all of you are too.

Imagine having your current gf having to mingle in a room with a couple or two of your exes in it. Uncomfortable situation (s) could stem out of it . The manner in which you handle yourself will play a vital part in the success and happiness that you currently enjoy with your current gf.

It’s no wonder some lesbians find it difficult to befriend their ex because women being women, are just emotional creatures and a room full with lesbians, drama could bound to happen. Although most of us women are not make us all exclusive to being slave of our emotions. Having said that, it’s acceptable really to not want to establish any kind of relationship at all with the ex.

However credit is due for those who able to draw the lines and defines their friendship at the same time keep drama at bay completely. Often though we linger to our past memories and such come to delusional state of hoping the friendship pre-relationship could be resurrected , but yeah, as if we could surpass the relationship period we had with our ex, goodluck with that.

I’m pretty much a lucky lass for many of my exes are straight women, therefore they made my social interaction life at ease, within the lesbians circle that is. I’m still counting my luck though because i had a breakthrough last year and now have an ex whose a lesbian, within my buddies circle of lesbian . That ain’t easy i tell ya.

You can’t help but to consider from every corner that’s possible to value ; would your gf able to blend with your group of friends ? whatmore if your ex is among them ? can you create a middle ground whereby your current gf, your ex together with your friends socialise without risking any drama? that’s a tough one i gotta tell u.

the one thought that’ll come to mind; the ex is examining your gf with critical eyes. that’s just scary because for what it’s worth, you wont want your beloved to feel uneasy having people eyeing on her with critical look, judging her every moves . You can now throw the “don’t judge a book by its cover” down the drain, cause it’s no longer apply. You afraid your gf is pre-emptively judged even before she’s physically seen or met.

Rupanya kau kena kritik sebab kau ada freckels

mateila berdarah Belanda katanya, err takde kaitan 

And you pray hard , your other friends wouldn’t pass a single judgement towards your gf. It’s hard but without doubt is inevitable. it’s as much scary because you want your friends to accept the stark changes but at the same time keeping a balance / natural acceptance towards everybody, maintaining positive and healthy front .

Similarly, meeting your gf buddies could also be nerve-wrecking , as u might expect yourself to be examined and/or compared as against your gf’s ex. u are caught up between setting up a standard against an ex u barely know while at the same time remaining true to yourself without having to fake in order to fit in or anything for that matter, hoping her buddies will accept the fact that you are a distinguish person who is just in love with their buddy.

This unwritten code of ethics, i’m not sure, should we rely on them when we almost not certain what are they . As we almost reach the end of this entry, I’m convinced how these rules are if not critical are incumbent .It’s confusing , at times may be intimidating but more often than not we always wonder where to draw the line and make it crystal clear lest the line is too blurry we might just step on the grey area and risk our relationship. My two cents is, if you aren’t ready or are unsure what to do, do not expose yourself to such frailty , remember to allow time to take its course.

I will continue searching on the internet with hope that i can prepare something as mere guidance or maybe some tips we can all refer to.

Before i pen down this matter for now, i would appreciate your views with regards to this matter , probably best if you can come up with viable suggestions or recommendations we all can benefit from, it sure be great !

cheers all

dwq

siri putus cinta – being friends with the ex

 

Breaking up is never easy for anyone because it is usually painful process to bear especially after so much emotions and time are invested , even if it ends in good terms, drama free whatsoever, the person once mean the world to you is now quite a total stranger. This screams AWKWARD out loud!

However one fact if at all matters is that , some people intend to keep their exes in close proximity, although not as close as lover, enough as friends or to keep close contact witch each other . it’s tricky and , yeah tricky is the word.

Yours truly herself is still struggling with the idea of maintaining close contact with some of her ex. On one end, for the sake of putting in relateable arguments, I may feel a strong attraction towards the ex but at the same time trying to keep my ex in my life , even only as a friend. This doesn’t necessarily valid to each and every ex I ever had a relationship with though. on the other unpleasant end, some ex secured the ex title because they earned it, which also means, not feel like wanting to have any connection in any way possible , get lost and please don’t you ever contact me AGAIN.

The latter ought to be less complicated, she’s in one day, out the next day, case solved.

Case of the ex is everybody’s concern, unless u have not been in relationships much. At some point of post breakup u really are clueless as to what to do. The easiest option is to leave without a trace. If u find justifications as to why u ought to keep ur ex within friends zone, this begs the question :

what are you dealing with should u notwithstanding of the breakup would want to be friends with your ex?

A worthy reminder is, be prepare for an emotional rollercoaster ride for not many of us would want to genuinely admit, lesbians , many are dramaqueens.

U better make sure u are over the ex be very very sure there are no residues of feelings left, and you must have the least intention to leading them onto believing they still could score a chance, therefore avoid sexual or romantic topics and the temptations to flirt. In short, define the ‘friendship’ concept clearly , followed by metes and bounds of the ‘friendship’ concept agreed to.

Be sure the intentions to be friends are bona fide / good; not because u wish to torment them or prevent them from dating other people.  Send a friendly text message or call/text them on their birthday. Let them know your intention to be friends – real friends.

Assuming your ex isn’t interested in having a friendship with u, let her wish be your command, and leave with respect. You should go ahead with being friends if she is treating you with respect as u expect of any other friends, or else the time is probably not quite right to pursue friendship with them. You cant force a friendship with someone who doesn’t seek the same from you yeah?

Perhaps it is easier to come round if the ex is a straight girl, or does it? Or would it depends on how aggravating the breakup was. What’s your comment on that?

One thing for sure, that applies to me consistently is , time heals and helps to neutralize the feelings – bitter feelings or the pseudo feelings for the ex.

Lesbians, from my observations, like to be friends with their exes. A few legit reasons I could think of now is that, whats the point of holding grudges and create enemies when you have loved each other before, plus the lesbians community is very much a drop in the bucket. We would somehow bump into each other in any events, better handle with the awkwardness fast anyway. This is more like a practical reason to stay friends, cause come to think of it, how many places really in KL would u see lesbians frequently hang out? There’s always the probability of running into her, unless she moves to London, or marry a guy and cut all the lesbians connection, only then u are safe. Or else, think of a way to manage a friendship.

If you are the kind of person who bothers less about all the above, good for you. you save your time and energy to lurk into negotiating friendship with your ex. Hehe

Here’s something helpful I googled from the internet.

1. Before attempting any kind of reconciliation, take a 60 day ‘she-tox’. That’s what the authors of It’s Called a Break-up Because it’s Broken recommend, and it works. I don’t care if your lesbian bed death lasted longer than your sex life and you’ve been living more like flatmates than lovers, you need to take some headspace to get the relationship out of your system before you can start seeing her in a new light.
2. Move out as soon as possible. And if you meet someone else before you do, the answer to ‘My place or yours?’ is never yours.
3. If you’re going to stay friends, set a statute of limitations. If you’re going to stew over that time she missed your Dad’s birthday or her repeated failure to take the rubbish out on time, your relationship will fester. Get it off your chest early on – and don’t be surprised when she reveals that you weren’t the perfect girlfriend either.
4. When you start seeing someone else, make sure she finds out from you, not a mutual friend. And certainly not from Facebook – that’s just tacky. A quick email to say that there’s someone on the scene is all it takes. And speaking about mutual friends…
5. Don’t make your friends choose between you. If you’re going to trash your former sweetie, do it to someone who won’t feel like they’re taking sides.
6. Don’t make things worse for yourself. If you know you’re going to drunk-dial her, order the next Coke minus the vodka. Even if the friendship falls apart, you want her to remember the sassy, dignified woman you can be instead of the emotional mess with smeared mascara.
7. Respect each other’s boundaries. You may be used to telling her every thought that goes through your head, but remember those other friends we talked about? You’re going to need them.
8. Divide your possessions like grown-ups, not toddlers. It may be tempting to steal the screws for her bookcase in a fit of petty rage just because she got to keep the cats, but don’t do it. Even though her increasingly frustrated Twitter updates as she tries to put it together will be funny as hell.
9. Make a list of reasons why you’re better off apart. Because when your friendship starts going from strength to strength, it’s tempting to wonder whether you’ve made a mistake. And if it turns out that you’re both crazy enough about each other to try again, you’re going to be really glad you followed points 1-8: if you move back in together, you’ll need that bookcase.

happy reading ladies !

regards

dwq